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Welcome to Rich Queer Aunties, the transformative podcast where I, Christabel, your guide and fellow journeyer, share insights, stories, and wisdom on embracing bold authenticity. As a successful Black queer woman, you’re doing the self-discovery work, but you may find yourself wrestling with low self-worth, the fear of abandonment, and the challenge of building an engaged and supporting community in an individualistic culture. Join me on this empowering journey, whether you’re already diving into therapy or other modalities. ”Rich Queer Aunties” is your space for candid conversations on navigating burnout, finding your personal style, pouring love into your home decor, and committing to healing practices. But this isn’t just a podcast; it’s a holistic, multidisciplinary approach to healing. I’m here to guide you through decolonizing your life and building a community that supports your authenticity. Ready for more? Dive into weekly episodes in 2024, and if you’re feeling the vibes, explore personalized 1:1 coaching with me. Let’s embark on this journey to living boldly authentic lives—rich in joy, love, and every facet of our beautiful selves. Your journey starts with a decision, and I’m here to be not just a coach but a companion every step of the way. Subscribe now, and let the transformative journey begin!
Episodes
Wednesday Jun 03, 2020
Not Racist? Not Enough! - How to become anti-racist.
Wednesday Jun 03, 2020
Wednesday Jun 03, 2020
Not Racist? Not Enough! - How to become anti-racist.
This is from my perspective as an African who wasn’t always anti-racist. Being Black wasn’t enough for me, I had to become actively anti-racist. Many Black activist resist the idea of teaching anti-racism to white people and NBPOC because they are tired. I still have some energy so let’s go!
Not being racist is the bare minimum, you don’t get cookies for it. And this goes for all Africans or non American Black people, people of color and other immigrants.
Some ways you can become actively anti-racist:
- First of all fight the egotistical need to be seen as not-racist. Not being racist is not enough, the goal is to be actively anti racist
- Pick up a book, many books and educate yourself on the racist past and present of America. Education really is key, take the time to actually educate yourself.
- Begin to notice anti Blackness in movies and the media. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it. Then help your family and friends see it too.
- When Black people tell you something is racist, believe us. It’s not in our heads. It’s not made up. We don’t make everything about race.
- Teach your kids to see color. Them being color blind is part of the problem. Say the word Black when referring to Black people. It’s not a dirty word. We’re not inherently violent.
Friday May 22, 2020
Liberation from Subconscious Conditioning
Friday May 22, 2020
Friday May 22, 2020
Aberrant Behavior Episode 5 - Liberation from Subconscious Conditioning
In this episode, I talk about how most of our behaviors and what we consider our personalities are as a result of subconscious conditioning. As always, I draw from my experience.
When I wanted to change behavior patterns that were no longer serving me, I thought it was a matter of willpower but after that failed me time and time again, I decided to dig deeper.
Some of the things I talk about are:
- How I got to a place where I could forgive my ex-wife (and regain closes friendship with her) for cheating on me twice before our first anniversary.
- Hint: it had nothing to do with her and everything to do with me focusing on transmuting my pain into powerful behavior change
- the difference between the colloquial use of the term EGO and it's use in human psychology. And why it is important to get familiar with our Ego in order to stop- operating from a place of subconscious conditioning
- I mention the book The Four agreements and how learning about them is changing my life
- unlearning parental and societal conditioning. Why do we believe what we belive? Is it a matter of genetics or mere social conditioning?
- How can you be sure that YOU hate body hair?
- Our parents/earliest caregivers are not perfect, they're just people with their own traumas who happened to procreate. Should owe then take their word as gospel?
- Goal of all this work
- getting free from bondage from our thoughts and feelings
- leaving the prison of our minds
- moving through life with intention
- being able to witness our thoughts and make the associations and own our shit without ascribing blame to other people
- unlearning conditioned beliefs
- getting to know our truest selves
- improving our inner peace and wellbeing
- improving our relationships all around
- in relationships, I notice when patterns are repeating themselves and I can better detach and recalibrate
- getting free from bondage from our thoughts and feelings
Resources:
- The Four Agreements: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Four_Agreements
- The difference between the colloquial use of ego and the psychological use: https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/wisdom/whats-the-best-way-to-define-ego/
- Dr. Nicole LePera. She has some amazing FREE resources on doing Ego work: https://www.instagram.com/the.holistic.psychologist/
I wish you all a happy healing!
Love, xoc.
Friday May 15, 2020
Spankings and Slavery
Friday May 15, 2020
Friday May 15, 2020
Aberrant Behavior Episode 4 - Spankings and Slavery
In this episode, I talk specifically to black parents, guardians and caregivers. I wanted to facilitate a conversation about the devastating effects of spankings within the black family.
I talk from my perspective as a kid who received many spankings growing up and how that affected me detrimentally. I was only able to identify said detrimental effects when I started doing the work of healing from my many traumas. This is my attempt to start a conversation and perhaps a change of heart in people who have adopted this slave era practice of beating black bodies as their own.
It was never ours to begin with. In fact, according to an article, “West African traditional belief held that children were reincarnated ancestors. West African societies held children in a much higher regard than slave societies in the Atlantic world, which placed emphasis on black bodies as property, not as human beings. West Africans believed that children came from the afterlife, that they were gods or reincarnated ancestors who led profoundly spiritual lives and held extraordinary mystical powers that could be harnessed through ritual practice for the good of the community. In fact, it was believed that coercion and hitting a child could scare off their soul. With Colonialism and slave trade, African-Americans adopted the practice of beating children from white slave masters” (Patton, 2017).
It is a practice that is extremely detrimental to the psychological wellbeing of our children, Obedience from our children shouldn’t be the biggest accomplishments of us raising them. There is much to be said about raising children who are independent in thought and actions who are not mere subservient clones of ours.
I leave you with my favorite poem from Kahlil Gibran on raising children:
“Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.”
Resources:
The case against spanking: https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/spanking
Corporal punishment in black communities: Not an intrinsic cultural tradition but racial trauma: https://www.apa.org/pi/families/resources/newsletter/2017/04/racial-trauma
Youtube: Chrisatbelmintahgalloway
IG: @Chrisatbelmintahgalloway
Website: www.chrisatbelmintahgalloway.com
Tuesday May 05, 2020
Religion and Internalized Homophobia
Tuesday May 05, 2020
Tuesday May 05, 2020
Aberrant Behavior - Religion and Internalized Homophobia
In this episode, I delve into my long and complex relationship with religion and why I had to let it go if I was ever to love myself deeply. I have nothing against religion as a whole because I recognize it’s role in providing comfort and hope to many people as it did for me. Plus, faith and belief is a deeply personal thing that I don’t really think I have room to comment on another person’s faith walk. My mental health required that I let go of that journey and embark on a personal spiritual journey of self-discovery, self-love and self-acceptance. Psychotherapy and other modalities proved to be more effective in helping me eliminate the internalized homophobia I had.
Resources:
Find a therapist in your area: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us?tr=Hdr_Brand
Low-cost therapy for black women: https://therapyforblackgirls.com/
Low cost remote and in person therapy: https://openpathcollective.org/
Call to action:
If you prefer to read than to listen, the show notes are on the blog here: https://christabelmintahgalloway.com/religion-and-internalized-homophobia/
Forward this and other episodes to anyone who you think might benefit from it
Rate the episodes and write a review to get the message out because the podcast folks love to see that stuff.
DM me on IG to continue the conversation: https://www.instagram.com/christabelmintahgalloway/
Until next time, be well,
xoc.
Thursday Apr 30, 2020
My Healing Journey
Thursday Apr 30, 2020
Thursday Apr 30, 2020
Aberrant Behavior - Episode 2: My Healing Journey; engaged at 15 and 2 jail stints by 25.
*Trigger warning: Domestic Violence, Self harm, suicidal ideation and other traumas*
In my most vulnerable share to date, I talk about how an abusive childhood and a tumultuous teen years and early adulthood led me to seek help. The pitfalls along the way and how I came to have a deep understanding of my innate goodness and worth.
I know this kind of desire to share isn’t the norm in a society like ours that values privacy and secrecy. In fact, I had to question myself about what my motives were. I looked up what it meant if you’re an over-sharer. But the call I have to share is too intense to keep ignoring. I haven’t always shared, in fact, people I’ve been intimate with never knew any of these facts about me.
I was deeply ashamed of myself for a really long time. I’m no longer in that space so as I honored the space I needed to heal, I’m honoring this space I’m in that calls me to share. I hope it makes you feel less alone in whatever you are contending with.
Some resources for mental health care:
For great gems on EGO work, Inner child trauma and others: https://www.instagram.com/the.holistic.psychologist/
Find a therapist in your area: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us?tr=Hdr_Brand
Low-cost therapy for black women: https://therapyforblackgirls.com/
Low cost remote and in person therapy: https://openpathcollective.org/
Wednesday Apr 29, 2020
My Why
Wednesday Apr 29, 2020
Wednesday Apr 29, 2020
Aberrant Behavior - Episode 1: My Why
In this very first episode, I talk about "My Why." What drives me? what inspires me? Why am I starting a podcast?
Resource: https://www.instagram.com/the.holistic.psychologist/
Logistics:
My goal is to drop an episode every week but I’m not tied to the capitalist obsession with productivity at all costs. I’m not a hustler, I move in alignment. So, yes, I will work to consistently publish new episodes but we’re going to honor the waxing and waning of us just like the moon does.
-xoc