Rich Queer Aunties

Navigating Religious Trauma, Self-Discovery, and Family Estrangement: A Journey of Healing and Growth. A conversation with Dan.

This episode is sponsored by Rich Queer Aunties. Visit Rich Queer Aunties for all your fly RQA merch.

In this episode of Rich Queer Aunties podcast, host Christabel invites guest Dan to share their journey from being raised as Jehovah's Witnesses and their spiritual journey afterwards.

Dan, a multi-dimensional being who is an organizer, spiritualist, sorcerer, and abstract visual artist. Dan also uses sound and music as tools for healing and celebration.

They discuss topics such as religious trauma, being ex-Jehovah's Witnesses, the experiences of gay individuals shunned by their families, African religious spirituality, spiritual journeys, self-development, and estrangement from family. Here are some key highlights from the episode:

00:03:31-00:06:40 - Upbringing as a Jehovah's Witness: Dan and Christabel discuss their strict upbringing as Jehovah's Witnesses, the lack of individual development, and the suppression of curiosity and individuality.

00:09:33-00:12:19 - Experiences of subconscious conditioning and rebellion within a religious community: Dan discusses engaging in rebellious behavior and seeking love in the wrong places, while also reflecting on the suppression they witnessed in Black women around them.

00:15:18-00:17:59 - Challenging Suppression and Making Independent Choices: Dan reflects on making choices that centered themselves and asserting their independence.

00:17:59-00:20:40 - Decision to Leave the Congregation: Dan discusses their decision to stop attending meetings at their congregation due to the suppression of women, influenced by their own mother's experience.

00:20:40-00:23:39 - Suppressed Identity and Self-Expression: Dan reflects on how their identity and voice were suppressed by their father, finding comfort in making their own choices and exploring their sexuality.

00:23:39-00:26:33 - Leaving Home and Coming Out: Dan reflects on leaving home as a symbol of freedom, and the challenges faced by queer individuals in religious communities.

00:29:36-00:32:33 - Choosing Freedom over Fear: Dan expresses gratitude for coming out as gay and standing up for themselves, despite negative reactions from their family and community.

00:32:33-00:35:34 - Ignoring Subtle Parts of Life and Choosing Intuition: Dan reflects on their experience with ignoring certain aspects of life, and the importance of listening to one's feelings and intuition.

00:35:34-00:44:39 - Exploring Grief and Depression: Dan discusses the concept of grief, its relationship to personal growth and healing, and the importance of embracing grief and allowing oneself to feel.

00:47:26-00:51:06 - Coping with family rejection and finding personal fulfillment: Dan discusses the impact of their parents' rejection, finding solace in creating their own life, and the importance of trusting intuition and taking care of oneself.

00:51:06-00:54:19 - Choosing Freedom over Fear: Dan reflects on their personal experience with grief, the transformative nature of the grieving process, and the importance of embracing discomfort for growth and evolution.

To listen to the full episode and explore more about religious trauma, self-development, and family estrangement, listen to Rich Queer Aunties on all podcast platforms. Don't forget to follow Rich Queer Aunties on social media for more inspiring content:

• Instagram: @richqueeraunties

You can find Dan at:

• Instagram: @kkingboo
• Soundcloud: Stream 7000COILS
• Website: 7000coils.com

Remember, you are not alone in your journey. There is hope, healing, and a community of individuals who have experienced similar challenges.

 

Coming Out as Gay: My Journey of Overcoming the Fear of Rejection as a Jehovah’s Witness

As always, if you enjoy this episode, please take a moment to review, rate, and share it. Your support means everything to me!

Welcome back to the Rich Queer Aunties Podcast! In this episode, we’re diving into the topic of overcoming the fear of rejection and why it's crucial for self-actualization.

I remember when I made the decision to come out as gay. It was a tough one because I grew up as a Jehovah’s Witness, where the you’re only allowed to associate with people “in the truth” and shun “worldly people”.  only associates with fellow believers. 

What this means is that if you ever commit a disfellowshipping worthy sin - such as being gay - they can cut you off. And that idea is that by cutting you off, you will be eventually starved of love enough to come to your senses and “return to Jehovah.”

The fear of rejection was very real, but I knew I needed to be true to myself. So, I made the tough decision to come out. 

In this episode, I’ll be sharing how I overcame that fear of rejection and the steps I took towards self-actualization.

I want you to know that it is possible to make decisions that bring you closer to your inner self, even if it feels like you're going to lose everything. So join us for this episode, and let's dive deep into this topic.

Website: richqueeraunties.com

Instagram:

@RichQueerAunties

Audio Engineer: Onyekachi Nwankwo 

My Journey of Balancing Collectivism and Individuality: Personal Stories and Cultural Reflections

Please don’t forget to RATE, REVIEW and SHARE this little podcast of mine. It truly makes all the difference.

Welcome to the latest episode of Rich Queer Aunties, where I'll be exploring the complex relationship between collectivism and individuality. Through personal anecdotes and cultural observations, I'll delve into how collectivism can both bind and liberate us. Join the conversation on this fascinating topic with me today!

At 04:37, I'll be sharing a powerful example from Ghana, where collectivism is so strong that reporting a family member's crime to the police can lead to ostracization. Conversely, at 08:00, I'll be discussing how America's individualistic culture saved my life.

Next, at 09:26, I'll be recounting my own experience of coming out on Facebook to both my family and congregation. Later, at 14:34, I'll be reflecting on how I navigate being openly queer and polyamorous while still maintaining a relationship with my deeply African and Jehovah's Witness mother.

Then, at 18:22, I'll reveal the harsh reality of being disfellowshipped by Jehovah's Witnesses and why I believe that I don't need my mother to fly a rainbow flag at pride. At 21:51, I'll emphasize the importance of respecting individuality, even when we don't share the same interests.

Throughout the episode, I'll be sharing insights on how representation matters and saves lives for African queers in the diaspora. However, at 27:03, I'll also highlight the potential pitfalls of collectivism and enmeshed communities. Finally, at 29:50, I'll be encouraging listeners to do the necessary work to navigate the anxiety and discomfort that comes with disappointing our loved ones in the pursuit of individual expression.

Don't miss this thought-provoking episode of Rich Queer Aunties, exploring the intersection of collectivism and individuality. Tune in now and join the conversation!

Audio Engineer: Onyekachi Nwankwo 

Unconvering Authenticity- A Solo Episode on Love Loss and Learning to Heal

Uncovering Authenticity: A Solo Episode on Love, Loss, and Learning to Heal

 

Please remember to rate and write a review. It goes a long way to producing a successful podcast and we want nothing but success for my baby.

•Don’t forget to visit www.richqueeraunties.com/shop for exclusive RQA merch and original art from Ghana. 

•follow us on IG: https://www.instagram.com/

 

Welcome back to the podcast, where we dive into all things authenticity, community building, and the luxurious lifestyle. But before we pivot to our new direction, I want to share a deeply personal story with you all.

 

For those who have been with me from the start, you know that I launched this podcast to share my thoughts with the world. Later, I teamed up with my ex-wife and partner of eight years to host the show. Now, we're back to where we started, with me (Christabel) hosting a solo podcast.

 

In this episode, I share the painful end of my eight-year relationship. It's a story I've been holding back, but I feel it's time to share. There are lessons to be learned from loving deeply, navigating a healing journey, and resorting to violent tendencies to fulfill one's needs.

 

I also delve into the complexities of polyamory and hypocrisy, and how falling in love amidst the ruins of a shattered relationship can happen. I know that at least one of you will resonate with my story, and I want you to know that you're not alone.

 

I'll admit, some parts of this episode are deeply shameful, and I'm feeling vulnerable. But it's my truth, my full story, and it's worth sharing, even the imperfect parts. So, join me as I tell this story in full once and for all.

 

Christabel.

Is meme repost culture gaslighting you into thinking you’re doing the work? Doing the work irl and finding your people.

Is meme repost culture gaslighting you into thinking you’re doing the work? Doing the work irl and finding your people.  

In this episode, I talk about:

Examining our beliefs

Doing the work to figure out what’s yours and what’s not. 

Showing up fully in all our messiness to find our people instead of faking it till we make it

Reposting mental health memes alone does not the work make.

Listen, share, and let’s discuss. 

Capitalism vs. pay me for my work

Capitalism and pay me for my work: My struggle with the nuances therein.

> How I broke my ankle

> Feeling less alone by listening to the stories of others

> How much I make as a nurse

> I started a Patreon https://www.patreon.com/Christabelmintahgalloway. Become a patron if you’ll like to support me monetarily. 

> Why I priced/tiered my Patreon the way I did and why I need to keep my 9-5 job

> Can I make a living doing what I love

> Are these questions as a result of my indoctrination into capitalism

> I don’t want to be a starving artist; I did enough starving in my childhood to last a lifetime

> Why I would charge more for my time than a hospital pays me on the hour.

> I had my first ever speaking gig yesterday speaking at a local college.

> Ultimately, I’m choosing to face the work. The work is what I love and what I’ll focus on.

Relationships as my biggest teacher.

I’ve had many relationships over the years all with trials but none has been as impactful as my current one with my partner and that with my mom over our lifetime. I believe that our relationships can be outstanding teachers if we are in the right space to be a student. Otherwise, it becomes about blame game. Focusing on the other person’s shortcomings or how they’re toxic or and anything else that is not how we can learn about ourselves from that relationship. 

Disclaimer *this is not talking about truly abusive relationships*

It feels like taboo to talk about thing like your relationship is hard but you both remain intentional about remaining in it but that’s why I think we should. There were so many things that have happened throughout our relationship that many people (and us) would say we probably should have broken up in our first year. 

I had a lot of anger from a life filled with painful moments. I had grown up a specific way where we yelled, screamed, hit people, thrown things etc. I was always ready to rumble if I felt hurt. Ginele also came into the relationship with her unique set of conditioning. So yeah, it was tumultuous. When I met Ginele, I had just had a pretty nasty divorce a few months prior after 4 years of a pretty abusive relationship. Of course I loved Ginele, but I had conditioning that I hadn’t worked on. My favorite thing to say was I am who I am and if you don’t like it, oh well. While secretly, I felt ashamed of the ways I acted out. But after a year of utter chaos, the love I had for her and the love she had for me motivated me for the first time to see if I can change the way I expressed my emotions. Five years later, here I am, grown and healed in so many ways. And six years into our relationship, the lessons keep coming. 

While there are things I desperately wish I could change in our history, I can honestly say that she has been the truest reflection of myself that I’ve ever had. It’s so hard to see yourself. It’s much easier to see someone else and tell them what they need to work on. Shifting from that to just seeing yourself, sitting with that revelation, accepting it, and looking for ways to gain new skills to help you navigate life and your relationships with more ease is life-changing work. Our culture has taught us to throw in the towel early. If it’s hard in a certain manner, or for a prolonged period, or in a recurrent way, it’s not meant to be. And while I’m sure the sentiment that love should be easy resonates with and is true for some people, it’s never resonated with me. I don’t know of any uncomplicated relationships. I’ve never seen that, and so I don’t relate. What I know though and have witnessed in my life is the magic that comes from using love as a catalyst to learn, evolve, grow and repair relationships that matter to us. 

By Instagram standards, I should have disavowed my mom so long ago. We have a very difficult history filled with abuse and it was the worst relationship in my life for a really long time. But when I started therapy and just talking about and processing everything that I went through in her hands, I learned compassion for her and by extension for self. She did the best with the knowledge she had. She saw certain treatments that were incredibly harmful to me as normal. So, when I learned the skills of telling her how what she did affected me, the skills of setting boundaries with her, and her (unspoken) determination to do the work, our relationship changed for the better. And it’s still evolving to this day. I’m so glad I stuck it out with her. And that’s kinda how I feel about Ginele and I. It’s been so hard. We have traumatic memories that I’d rather not have. We’ve married, there’s been infidelities, we’ve divorced, there are trust issues, there’s still a fairly regular conversation about if we’ll make it. If perhaps the hurt is too much to overcome. 

So, we work, we go to therapy, we fight, we cry, we threaten to leave weekly because it feels just so hard sometimes. But above all, we love. At least we try to. Our love is divine. We both truly feel that way. Our therapists marvel at what we have. Our mothers marvel at what we have. That love is worth fighting for. Even if we have spent most of it unhooking from and unlearning our respective conditioning. Literally just last week, she called me out on my tendency to use tears and my pain as an emotionally manipulate weapon. At first, I wanted to defend myself and talk about how that’s so not true. But I examined myself and came to the open acceptance that I do that. It was such a relief when I finally admitted it and let go of the shame that came from it. And so now I can begin the work of learning new skills and techniques to counteract that conditioning. Anyhow, this is a much bigger conversation that I can’t wait to have going forward with Ginele as my guest.

Back Like I never Left

Back Like I never Left

Here’s a quick update on what I’ve been up do in the last three months. To include: 

COVID- 19 emergency relief work in southern Texas

I turned 35 during first hurricane ever! In Mexico!!

Not being sure of who you want to be when you grow up

Dealing with self-doubt, a different brain and a world that demands productivity

Healing from religious indoctrination in order to find my voice (ps. still searching). 

And so many more...30 minutes of just chatting it up. 

I'll be back to recording more regularly now that I’m finally choosing to slow life down a little bit.  

Q&A : Coming out, skin care, organized religion, and more.

Q&A : Coming out, skin care, organized religion, and more.

In my first Q&A, I tackle questions asked on IG about how I came out, what my skin care routine is, what I think of organized religion after being an active participant in one for two decades.

I loved all the questions that came through! I do think I missed a couple that we’re sent in my DMs because I couldn’t find it but there’ll be other opportunities to do this again in the future.

Resource:
@ihartericka on IG for antiracist education for younger adults

Black joy, white fragility, and everything in between

Aberrant Behavior - Black joy, white fragility, and everything in between

An episode where I just ramble about a few things weighing on my mind to include:

New white activists, I need an explanation on why you never saw racism until now. In fact, don’t answer that, it’s rhetorical. I believe you’ve always known, you just didn’t want to sacrifice that promotion by speaking up. While it’s great for the collective human race that you’re choosing to be co-conspirators, just know that there’s a mental and emotional toll that your sudden awakening is taking on Black people - well, I’ll just say me because Black is not a monolith.

White fragility and white tears and white guilt are boring and so tired and like get over it so you can get to work. Acknowledge your feelings because they’re worthwhile but don’t over identify with it and certainly don’t let it leave you paralyzed into inaction.

Black joy is revolutionary so fellow Black people, do all you can to cultivate it. Live your life fully, joyously, unapologetically. I talk about getting back to my self care practices that ensures that I keep that joy popping.

Until next time,

xoc.